Integrity Comes in All Sizes

I like to read advice columns. Growing up, in addition to reading the Sports Page every morning, I would read an advice column by Ann Landers, twin sister to Dear Abby. I'm not embarrassed to admit this, because I would usually read it just for the drama in other people's lives. It was pretty entertaining.

These days I read a column on the Slate Magazine website called Dear Prudie; again, it's just for the drama/entertainment. However, this column is a little more entertaining than Ann Landers was, simply because some of the problems being discussed are so ludicrous and devoid of anything resembling common sense, that I compare them to those ridiculous Judge Judy lawsuits that I sometimes watch on YouTube--also for entertainment. And Prudie is certainly the Judge Judy of advice columns, delivering contempt and derision where they are deserved.

This week a woman wrote in to Prudie's Live Chat session, asking what to do about her friend who had loaned her 12 year-old son 75 cents for bus money on a field trip and was pestering him to pay her back. This woman couldn't see what the big deal was about 75 cents, and felt her friend was going too far. Prudie agreed, but also advised the woman that her attitude was suspect as well. She suggested that the letter-writer (LW) was supporting her son's refusal to repay the debt only because she didn't like the way her friend was handling it. Prudie sided with the woman's husband, who felt they should repay the 75 cents and be done with it. I agreed with Prudie's advice, but wanted to expand on it, so I posted a comment on it. Check it out:

Regarding the $0.75 drama, the LW is forgetting that children learn values through little lessons proportionate to their age and maturity level. Seventy-five cents may not seem like a big deal to an adult, but to a 12 year-old...well, in this case it meant a bus ride home, which is a big deal to a child. At that age I would have been scared to death at the prospect of being stranded miles away from home, so knowing how grateful and relieved Alex probably was that he didn't have to walk home--which was probably his greatest fear, even though one of the adults on the field trip certainly would have stepped forward and helped him out--he should show that gratitude and repay the loan just like an adult should repay someone for loaning them money for a plane trip across the country.

While Pam may have gone a bit far, she isn't just trying to teach Alex financial responsibility. She's trying to teach him integrity. When I was a child, anytime I loaned money to a friend--even if it was just a quarter--my mother would tell me to make sure they paid me back. On the same token, if I borrowed money from a friend, she kept on my case until I paid them back. Thanks to that training, anytime someone helps me out financially, I can't live with myself until I repay them--unless of course they refuse repayment.

I hope the LW doesn't think that her children will just wake up one day as adults and realize that it's important to pay people back when they loan you money. Her "It's just 75 cents" attitude is a dangerous slippery slope that could blur the lines of integrity for them. If 75 cents is no big deal, then how much is a big deal?

I'm proud to say that not only did five people "like" my comment, but my comment also received four replies--all positive. One reply read "I want to be Matt," accompanied by a smiley-face emoticon. How touching!

But really, how could anyone disagree with the principle of repaying those who loan you money or otherwise help you out? Unfortunately a lot of people do. I'm just glad that there are at least four people on that site (and Prudie) who get the concept of integrity.