If You Can't Accept Me at My Worst, Good!

A few nights ago, I got upset with my roommate for something minor. While my basic concern was valid, I blew it out of proportion, and the incident culminated in me storming out of the living room.

I don't do that often, but it does happen once in a while. I'm generally a happy person. I have been described by my closest friends as generous, kind, sweet, and friendly. Sometimes, though, I let the stressors in life get in the way of the man I'm trying to become.

Now, consider the following quote:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

These days, that quote has been pared down to, "If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." While there is no evidence that Marilyn Monroe ever said that, as has been claimed, whoever did say it, I find the rhetoric behind it misguided. While many may see this quote as an assertive mantra promoting patience and acceptance of each other's imperfections, I feel it is most often used to excuse blatantly bad behavior.

Nobody is perfect, and we all want to surround ourselves with people who accept us for who we are. But there is a vast difference between being imperfect and being at your worst. Imperfections are part of the human condition, and many of them are beyond our capacity to fix in this life. If nothing else, many of them are flaws, but are just not important enough to dwell on. My imperfections probably annoy some people, especially the one where I can't walk in a straight line very well. However, I have never felt the need to demand that people accept that or any other minor flaws if they want to be part of my life.

Our worst is bad by definition. These aren't the things that add flavor to our personality and keep other people on their toes. They aren't quirks that only cynics and fault finders can't live with. They are certainly not attributes that we should proudly proclaim as being part of our identity and therefore deserving of acceptance. They are things that we really should change because they significantly disrupt our lives and often the lives of those around us. Granted, some of the attributes specified in the original quote don't sound that bad. I don't think being insecure is nearly as bad as being out of control. But when you cut the quote down to what it says these days, all you get is, "This is who I am; deal with it." In my experience, it isn't the apologetically insecure and impatient who most commonly express this sentiment, but the Justin Biebers and Charlie Sheens of the world, who refuse to apologize or change because, quite honestly, they don't want to change. For whatever reason, they feel like their behavior is perfectly acceptable. And it isn't.

This of course does not mean that others should not forgive us when we act out our worst attributes. We just need to understand that forgiveness of our worst attributes does not equal acceptance, and it doesn't relieve us from all responsibility to improve ourselves. It simply provides us with the opportunity to improve our behavior to a level that is worthy of acceptance. Anyway, part of what motivates us to change our behavior is when others show enough love and patience that we eventually start to realize they deserve better than what we're giving them.

I certainly hope my roommate doesn't accept what happened a few nights ago as being part of who I am--because it isn't. I am better than that. While he's not going to kick me out or hold any grudges for getting mad once in a while, his forgiveness is not something I am entitled to.

Besides, life is much more enjoyable when we overcome our worst.