The Last 10 Months Revisited

I have recently made it a goal of mine to blog more consistently...primarily because I'm tired of burdening my friends with the drama I make up in my head from overthinking just about everything that's not spelled out for me. Maybe that will reduce the stress in my life. But before I begin this post, here's a summary of what has happened in the 10 months since my last post:

I was pursued by my Boston best friend’s high school best friend, whom I had friended on Facebook 11 months earlier, but who hadn’t spoken to me since.

I pursued a girl here in the Boston area who moved in with my best friend and subsequently began dating someone else. After seeing these two people cuddling up to each other outside a potluck, I spiraled into a three-day bout of depression that was only partially mollified when I later saw them at Institute and realized that perhaps they were better for each other and perhaps he had more of the confidence and experience that this particular girl needed in a mate.

In response to my acceptance of the aforementioned relationship, 1) I decided to better myself by becoming more cultured and experienced, which meant reading more of the literary classics as well books on philosophy, religion, art, politics, and art, as well as traveling more; I consequently decided to take a trip to Jerusalem, even if it meant being by myself, and 2) I decided to give the girl in Utah a chance.

I developed a relationship with said girl in Utah and found myself falling in love with her after a couple of months; for the record, however, she said “I love you” first. We also decided to go to Jerusalem together.

This girl visited me in Boston in April, after which she went cold on me, saying she didn’t feel a connection anymore. However, she did not want to break up with me just yet; she wanted to make things work, her definition of which I am still not quite sure, as she rarely initiated any telephone or texting conversations with me and would often not respond to my attempts to contact her. She also decided that Jerusalem was no longer a priority for her, which still creates a bad taste in my mouth whenever I hear other friends talk about trips they have taken there. I had originally planned on going there by myself, but now I’m not sure I can even do that. So much for climbing Mt. Sinai or swimming in the Dead Sea!

After allowing this to go on for three months, convincing myself that I just needed to give it time, I gave into the spiritual prompting that had been bothering me for several weeks in the form of a knot in the pit of my stomach and broke up with the girl. The knot soon subsided. Of course, I wish I had done that before flirting with the idea of moving out to Utah for the sake of the "relationship", which had resulted in me getting rid of my contract where I lived. Fortunately, one of my roommates moved to New York, so I was able to take his contract. Unfortunately, he was a small man, and so is his room in the basement. Now I need to find a new place where I can fit my king-sized bed and where I won’t bang my head on the low doorway, and the options are scarce. I also still need a new job, as the Defense Industry is wearing on me, mostly because, thanks to budget cuts, what I have been doing for the past two years is not what I was hired to do.

Most of my female friends at the Nottinghill House are now dating someone, a phenomenon which I had long anticipated and which therefore motivated me to make more guy friends. Ironically, half of those guy friends are dating the girls at the Nottinghill House.

Despite a previous post saying that I had come to terms with turning 31, I am currently battling some sort of mid-life crisis, perhaps because I feel more of a connection with the people in the LP wards than I do with the people in the CRW. Even after 10 months, I am still the youngest male in my ward. I now understand how Neil Diamond felt in his song I Am I Said. I belong in one place, but I fit more in the other. Sigh.

Oh, and I was diagnosed with ADD over the summer, but I just barely decided to do something about it.

I guess that's enough for one post. I may expound on some of this as it becomes relevant again. But for now, it's more drama than most people would like from a guy, so I'll end here. At least I'm all caught up now.