Does Everybody Play Games?

In reference to my previous post, I would like to suggest that the pressure we tend to feel in our interpersonal relationships is also frequently caused by a third party. All too often, we assume that we know what goes on in another person's mind--simply because that is what goes on in our minds. As a result, we tell each other the appropriate way to behave around a given person--or people in general--even if we have no more experience than the person whom we're advising. This wouldn't be so bad--as opinions add flavor to life--were it not for the advice we often give as a result being 1) very adamant, and 2) based on the assumption that everybody plays games, and therefore so should we.

This is why I don't ask for dating advice as much as I used to. Whenever I do express anxiety over a girl in whom I am interested, most of my friends offer a one-size-fits-all method for measuring my chances with the girl, as well as an ultra-conservative approach on how to behave around her, so as to maximize my chances with her. This particularly confuses me because these friends also claim that 1) girls aren't all the same, and 2) when a girl likes a guy, the guy can get away with just about anything. My friend Jan Marie recently sent me a cartoon that illustrated the second phenomenon. And let's not forget the fact that outside of these specific contexts, we are urged to just be ourselves.

So why do people insist on giving each other ultimate assessments of their relationships at such a volume that leaves little room for disagreement? We often don't even have to meet our friends' romantic interests before presenting our theory as absolute fact. And once again, it might not be so bad if those theories didn't consistently assume that our romantic interests are going to play games with us.

Yes, I understand that if a girl goes several days without responding to my phone call, it's a good sign she's not that interested. But if the same girl reassures me that she is simply busy and would love to go out when she has time, I don't think it's such a big mistake to trust her, not to mention trust how I feel when she offers such reassurance. When we override these initial impressions with generalizations about opposite-gender behavior, we inadvertently undermine our own judgement and self-confidence. That is something I refuse to do.