Over the past few days, I had a Twitter exchange with a lady who is an atheist. The essence of our exchange was regarding a tweet I had sent last Sunday. I basically called out a group of people in an online forum for mocking someone's blog post. I didn't even rebuke them for being disrespectful. I simply told them that while they had wasted their time attacking someone, I was out living life at a Train concert--which, I might add, was dominated by members of the female variety. Now you tell me which you would rather be doing.
But that argument is for another day. As for now, this lady questioned whether these people were actually mocking the blogger. You see, it was a group of ex-members of my faith mocking a member of my faith for expressing his thoughts on anti-mormon propaganda. Based on some of her previous tweets, this lady has had some interesting exchanges with Christians. Christians can be mean sometimes, even when trying to prove the Christlike way to live. Indeed, it is understandable why some people turn away from Christianity--or believing in God at all--as there are some poor examples out there. On the other hand, some atheists and non-Christians are also mean.
This lady wasn't rude. She was very civil and respectful. But it felt as though she was trying to get me to admit some sort of bias against non-believers. At one point she asked why I had bothered identifying the group as ex-Mormons, to which I responded that it was the name of the group, it was a religious context, and I wanted to establish to whom I was speaking in the Twitterverse. Did she think I was targeting them? The exchange eventually culminated in her asking me to cite some of the quotes I had given her from the group mocking the blogger. I haven't responded yet, and probably will not, as I know what I read. I know the difference between simply critiquing someone and outright mocking them. I also have the credibility to back up my denial of any bias against people who don't believe as I do. I've called out fellow Mormons for mocking others.
I understand as well as anyone that in a world as crazy and unequal as ours, we need to be sensitive to the implications of bias and misrepresentation in our speech--especially bias and misrepresentation of groups who have been marginalized throughout history. But sometimes it is worth identifying someone by their demographic because it provides context for his/her perspective.
When referring to the fact that my cousin has all but denounced the faith she grew up in, it is worth adding that her son is gay, particularly when she says, "My son is gay and therefore has no place in your religion." And when I was a graduate instructor and asked a Dominican student whether he knew a previous student of mine who was also Dominican, it wasn't because I thought all Dominicans knew each other. I asked that because I knew they were both part of a group of Dominican freshmen who had transferred there together through some sort of program; as it turned out, they did know each other.
Here's what we need to do: Stop being so sensitive to the possible hidden meaning behind the words of others. Yes, when someone blatantly over-generalizes and clearly misrepresents a person or group, we should respectfully correct them. But don't go into the conversation expecting that to happen. Otherwise we start to sound like Phil Lewis when talking to Billy Crystal in the movie City Slickers:
"Really? You're both dentists?"
"Yes, we're black and we're dentists. Let's not make an issue out of it."
Just give people the benefit of the doubt. I promise you'll be much happier if you do. As has been said before, we need to stop seeking out the storms and just enjoy the sunlight.
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